Category Archives: Lady Mel

Ask Pastor Des, Blog, Lady Mel

Ask Pastor Des?: My Husband Wasn’t Completely Honest…

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My husband wasn’t completely honest with me when I asked him about something, he had an opportunity to just tell me instead he ignored it; and then later I found what I was in search of and he had given it to a family member. Was I wrong for going off and I am wrong for being upset?

Lady Mel: My first question is Why did he lie? He obviously lied because he has issues with trust. I’m not necessarily saying that you deserved that response but we have to stop and think did I lead him to this point or is this a response that has developed overtime even as far back as childhood. The family member that he trusted is someone whom I gather he is very close to. I would safely assume that this family member is a parent.  If this indeed who it is we must keep in mind that as we develop relationships and seek guidance from a more spiritual perspective we must then understand that as it is written

In Matthew 19:15 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh… You have some external relationships that could be contributing to your issues of trust that is conflicting from the direction in which your relationship needs to be headed. Keep in mind marriage takes a great deal of work!  I’m reminded of commercials that say, some assembly required,lol. Well marriage requires more assembly and then some work. Especially as it relates to spiritual growth and development.

It’s okay to be upset, but it’s another thing to go left and out of control. Remember that you are responsible for your anger. Recognize what triggered it and how if you feel those feeling what you need to do to redirect yourself. Patience as a fruit of the Spirit and takes time to develop, trust me I know.

How should you confront it?

The best way to confront the situation is by talking about it and expressing that you were hurt about it.  The best way to overcome this is by doing it together. Issues of trust and fear require open channels of communication and prayer. You also overcome this by continuing to put God first in your relationship and you both get closer to him and further away from external influences then your family unit with function in according the His fundamental foundation for a marriage that is both pleasing and productive for the edification of the kingdom. I could probably continue to share on this post but I think this is a good stopping point if you need further dialogue don’t hesitate to reach out.

Lady Mel

Blog, Lady Mel

What’s In a Screenshot/Text and What’s Not. It’s Up To You!

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A picture/text or a screenshot is only but a moment in time. Don’t get tricked into a negative state of mind because of a picture, remember it’s missing some key elements.  In the courtroom a photo can be referred to as demonstrative evidence, and its primary purpose is to illustrate the testimony of a witness to help the jurors understand difficult factual issues. 

Even in biblical times Solomon resorted to demonstrative evidence 1 Kings 3:16-28 (NIV). When called upon to decide which of two women was the mother of an infant child. When he proposed to cut the child in half and give half to each, the human instinct of the true mother readily demonstrated the one to whom the child belonged, for she asked that the other woman be given the child.

When someone sends you a picture/text they have purpose:

  1. They relate to your current feeling (their way of saying i’m on your team)
  2. They want you to relate to how they are feeling
  3. Provide proof of location/information
  4. Hopes of getting you to draw a conclusion, to put you on common ground.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but its value is interpreted by the receiver. The receiver must draw their own conclusion. I can influence you by attaching my caption or feelings but it’s still up to you. Your conclusion could be based on a few outside factors, your history with that person, your current feelings about that person, and of course the influence of the person who sent you that text or screenshot.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8

Don’t give anyone that kind of control over you!

-Lady Mel

Blog, Lady Mel, Pastor Desmond

Just Call Me Opportunity!

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I was recently talking to my son after the adrenaline of football practice, well his adrenaline, lol.  I Iooked at him and his face gleamed with such confidence. He then said, mom you know I listened to chance the rapper and he is inspiring and all, but you can just call me opportunity and for some reason that word opportunity stuck with me.

I just started praising God for opportunities and let me tell you, you really begin to reposition yourself when I started looking at all the ways that He’s made and all of the doors that He’s opened, my praise became so expressive that it overflowed into the remainder of the week.

When Bartimaeus got up that morning, he had no idea that Jesus Christ was going to be passing by him that day. He thought it was just another ordinary day: same place, same cry for help, same miserable, lonely, pitiful lifestyle. He had no time to prepare for Jesus; it was just an opportunity that was dropped in his lap. He had to seize the moment.He said, “I’m not going to miss this one, I’m going to take advantage. Jesus is coming so just call me opportunity!”

One must have a positive perspective despite life challenges, to seize an opportunity. The mind is complicated and has many pathways that has been deeply embedded over time. You know that inherently our brain will “choose the most energy efficient path.” What I’m saying is that our brain depends heavily on prior learning and in order to change it to a more positive view it will require repetition or practice. In fact, if you are over 25 years old depending on the complexity, it can take upwards of 144 days for your brain to embed into the motor cortex of the brain, which is involved in the planning, control, and execution of voluntary movements.  So just keep speaking life to your life, over your situations, and over your circumstances. Keep speaking life to yourself until your brain no longer sees the impossibilities of the moment but only the opportunity. Stop letting self hold you back! Have you prayed for, God has given, so seize the opportunity.

Tomorrow isn’t promised and I want you to just call me, “opportunity!”

This aspect of this devotion focuses on the pathway to positivity, or righteousness while preparing you for opportunity.

The challenge is to change my way of thinking!

-Lady Mel/ Pastor Desmond

Blog, Lady Mel

Dealing With Difficult People

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We have all had to deal with difficult people in our lives at one time or another. In fact, we might be very well dealing with them right now. We come in contact with all types of people who are judgemental, messy, troublesome, sarcastic, nosey, argumentative, belligerent, mean, rude, obnoxious, and condescending.

You will eventually have to deal with difficult people one way or the other. You can go to one place and then pack up and move to another location you are bound to deal with them.

As Christians God has given us the ability and authority to overcome all these tactics that have been designed to get a response from us. .We do know that: For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.(Ephesians 5:12 KJV) Our ability and authority that we have been entrusted with, allows us to control our responses; this is only mastered through prayer and supplication. (Philippians 4:6)

What is supplication?

Supplication is asking God for something for yourself. In my dealing with difficult people I need to ask God to give me the strength to overlook the sarcasm of a co worker. Another key element in supplication is that I need to have faith that God will give me that ability. It takes a great deal of discipline to allow God to do his perfect work in you and through you; to be the calm in the face of chaos.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally….. James 1:4-5

Jesus dealt with difficult people in multiple ways but my focus will be on the way of remaining silent  This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not . (John 8:6) This moment reflects how one can be in the center of all kinds of stuff, but still being focused on the path that God had laid out for Him, He didn’t waver, He didn’t shake his head He kneeled down and got his thoughts together. In order to do that Jesus had to have patience. It’s not worth losing your cool trying to figure other people out.

Honestly, patience is one virtue that I’m praying for,lol. I do know that patience is like a push-up and that you do get better with it in time, and the time required. Perseverance is steady movement in spite of what we see or feel, and it is also a continuance of grace..

In conclusion in dealing with difficult people we have to have that moment when we look at ourselves in the mirror and ask ourselves what part did I play in the problem and or condition? Your past might come up, but don’t let your past sideline your present and deadline your future. What i’m saying is that if you have worked on your past move on! Your past was only a season of your life and not where your life was destined to end. If you haven’t worked on your past don’t get mad, get to work because God still has a work to do in you!

I’m so glad that God met me where I was with my flaws and all,  He still loves me and He loves you too!

-Lady Mel

Blog, Lady Mel

Our need for Direction

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How many people have ignored the truth at one time or another? I could put two hands up!

Our need for direction is instinctual because something/someone is after you! Everything is going wrong, but some how you saw the shadow of death and God woke you up and snatched you out. Again, I can say yeah that has been me too. I then had to realize that what i was doing wasn’t working yes, I too needed direction.

 [The righteous] cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. Psalms 34:14

You could be the person who says, “I have ignored all the signs and now I need more. ” It only takes one step to get on track while in pursuit of direction you will then face some tough questions, and even tougher challenges. You will also have to face something called deliverance and it is at that point you might get uncomfortable because you will have to adapt to a new normal. I say that because at some point your disfunction became normal to you. Don’t get scared remember that change isn’t easy, your pursuit of direction doesn’t ever really stop it can best be reflected in stages of growth.

Keep Going, Keep growing! He wants you to take you to your next level.

-Lady Mel

Blog, Lady Mel

Ideal Conditions

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4 He who watches the wind [waiting for all conditions to be perfect] will not sow [seed], and he who looks at the clouds will not reap [a harvest].  Ecclesiastes 11:4 (AMP)

On my way home the other day I had a moment in which I decided not to focus on what I could be doing or the time that I wasted. I began to just praise God and listen to my worship music I mean I was singing so loud, but as I began and continued to sing I noticed the rain was getting harder and harder. When I felt a little uneasy I decided to put my radio down a little bit lower you see what most people don’t know my little Speedster is like a moving computer, like most cars today. I began to think about all the tools that I had on my car and how those tools were going to be useful in this type of weather. I lowered my music so that I could hear my lane assist beep.

The rain was coming down so hard I could hardly see the white lines but I knew that if I could hear the beep, my car would pretty much guide itself.  I decided  to change lanes, surprisingly I felt a little bit more comfortable  because I knew that I had cameras and that they would let me know if the coast was clear to change lanes. One thing that they don’t tell you is that those cameras really do their best work in ideal conditions i.e. sunshine. When it rains and your car is moving really, you get the moving raindrops over the camera lens and you can’t see quite so clear. This  doesn’t mean that the technology had failed but that the technology is really useful in ideal conditions.

I started thinking about ideal conditions so as I’m on my way home I started to look at the speed limit and the speed limit that was posted happened to be 60 mph during ideal conditions.  Instead of going 60mph,  I realized that I was going 40mph on the interstate because the rain was coming down so fiercely. Just like that I began to feel as though I should be going a little bit faster so I began to increase my speed both hands on the steering wheel and one foot on the gas; praying to God that I could just make it home in one piece.  A split second later I began to feel my car kind of swerve and I slowly got it ! While with two hands on the wheel and what seemed like control of my vehicle I realized that although 45 mph and 50 mph  seemed a little bit faster those speeds were not ideal for that condition nor ideal for my car. I looked to my left and a truck zoomed past me and easily distracted my focus not that it detoured me but I thought about how if I had confidence to do what they were doing in terms of accelerating, but here’s the thing my ideal condition and my ideal speed was ideal for me at that given moment, the blessing is that I made it home without an incident or accident.

Remember this, Ideal is nowhere near perfect it lends to functionality. Yesterday, if I would have just parked on the side of the road looking up at the sky, I would have come to the conclusion that the sun wasn’t going to breakthrough those clouds. If I would have stayed on the side of the road I wouldn’t have made it home to my warm bed.  Remember my thoughts about wasted time if I would have been looking up to the sky for Sunshine I would have been there until maybe the next afternoon.

 

Your challenge is to learn how to function on a level that’s ideal for your condition.

-Lady Mel

Blog, Lady Mel

Making The Connection- God Meets You Right Where You Are!

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Take a moment and think about how good God has been to you! It’s important that despite whatever we face that we acknowledge His goodness. Often we are busy from day to day and the challenges we face cause our memory to get cloudy by the sheer fact of what we see or by our current condition or position.

O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.- Psalms 34:8 KJV

Everyday I talk with people who are in a place of spiritual or mental darkness. God is so good that He has brought you to this point. I’ve been in that place; it might not have been your struggle but , just like He did it for me, I can tell you that He can do the very same thing for you.  God has the ability to meet you where you are. God is saying come here broken, come here bitter, come here lonely, come here torn and tattered, come here addicted, come here with your hang- ups, come here with your bad credit, come here with your light bill due, come here with here even if you have more month than money whatever your condition come here searching and He is waiting for you.

Lord, I call upon You; hurry to me. Listen to my voice when I call to You.2 Let my prayer be counted as incense before You;The lifting up of my hands as the evening offering.- Psalms 141:1-2 AMP

Make the step and call on Him. I’ve come to know him as an on time God and just because He hasn’t come, it doesn’t mean that He isn’t listening and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. Keep trusting in Him …

-Lady Mel

Blog, Lady Mel

Getting Back on Your Bicycle

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My husband shared a post that inspired me on yesterday. He talked about oiling the bicycle chain. The bicycle brought back so many memories because I grew up in the country and spent many hours riding around on my bicycle. I can remember hopping on that banana bike and how after the wear to that bicycle the chain would slip. They say so much tension and wear can cause the chain to slip but I didn’t have that explanation back then. I figured I would just jump off turn that bike over and put the chain on and off I went on my way. I think I didn’t have the explanation or understanding because I was a child and I didn’t realize the complexity of the challenge. As adults we make things harder and getting back on the saddle seems harder to the older that we become. Sometimes we face failure or we fall short and we wonder how could we ever get back to where God desires us to belong? John 10:10 says that

10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundant.

If you have fallen short refuse to let satan destroy reach make the connection so that you can continue in abundance. God cares about you and with His help you can overcome anything.  Remember 2 Corinthians 12:9

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Get up and get back on that bicycle.  Keep going!

-Lady Mel